Dancing snow flogs

I sit at home sipping my second coffee today and wonder myself whether putting my watch around my wrest has become a ritual which is frightening me. I decide that I don't know. Outside some lost snow flogs are dancing in the wind. I watch to the threes and to my happiness I see that they are showing the first signs of spring. Ten more days till it is officially spring, once again mother nature doesn't follow our calendar but does what it feels like.

Then I decide not to go to the gym, again. It doesn't matter, tomorrow I will loose my calories in the gym, today I shall focus on organising my life and work. I promiss myself that I have a good reason for it: first I have to finish my work. I realise that I don't know what work I am going to finish.

Listening to some music that makes me calm. I walk to my bedroom to organise my messy hair which is still in a waking-up condition. Unfortunately I pass my kitchen on the way to the bedroom, and all the dishes make me turn around immediately. In five minutes I'll return to the kitchen and finish the dishes. One hour passes and on the internet I discover that the old president of Serbia probably died. I need to know more about it. Via google I discover that some Dutch travel agency now organises travel packages to different destinations in Montenegro.

Then I start feeling quilty and wonder how I can give this day more sense. So I send three work related e-mails, for which I have to treat myself with another coffee. I try to ignore the mess in the kitchen.

I look at my watch and discover that half of this day has already passed. Now it is enough, I will clean the dishes, organise my hair, finish my work, go to the supermarket and after that I can read. Or shouldn't I confess to this ritual?

Must be heaven

Yesterday I visited this beautiful mosque in Ankara! Houses of prayer belong to the most beautiful architecture in the world, and I don't know whether I should be happy or said about that. It would be easy to say it is said... but the reality is that they exist and that people like to visit them.

That's why I draw a symbolic line for myself: if I have to pay to enter a church or mosque, or any other religious house, then I will not enter it. This was for me a reason for not visiting Vatican city.

Well, I am not going to write an epistel on religion, but will only say that we should look to the beautiful things of religions too! My campaign would be: open all religious houses that respect itself for dialogues on (all) diverse aspects of society!

Luggage fear

It is true: Europe was covered under snow this week! When I saw this thru my the airplane window I was almost sure that my luggage was not going to arrive: it took these poor man 10 minutes to figure out whether the suitcases should go with the airplane, or should stay behind at the airport. And this is how every travel becomes a bit exciting!

Now on Air!

Yes! The new IGLYO website is ready! Me not being a wizz-kid I don't seem to succeed in copying a whole screen into blogger. Well maybe a good reason for you all to take a look on our new website! www.iglyo.com.

Fabio, Alon and Doron really did a great job.

Pristina

And the last stop of this short Balkan tour is Pristina. The week felt good after all, even though it is heavy to do so many visits in such short time. It energized me, as I realise that progress is being made. In Kosovo there was lately quite some media attention: during new years evening two gay guys were beaten up. When they reported this to the police they were harassed by the police officers, about which they raised a complaint. The spokesmen of the police department in Pristina reacted with a statement that homosexuality in Kosovo was still a crime, which is untrue. Pristina is the only entity in this area which has a rather clear anti-discrimination law, which explicitly includes sexual minorites. So the consequense of this all has been that police officers lost their job and the spokesmen was replaced to another area of Kosovo. A lot of media attention was given to the issue, until the moment that president Rugova died.

However it is a fact that the LGBT community lives very isolated. It moves around in small sub-communites, whom hardly communicate with each other. So many efforts are put in building up a community which is capable of defending their granted rights....this is not an easy task!

It was great seeing friends back here. In one and half a year I have seen the confidence of a small group of people growing. For outsiders this might seem like a normal and unimportant thing, but having been involved in these communities for almost two years now I am proud on what these people have reached. Not to forget people here are great fun: we drunk, we sung and we dance like crazy!

Tirana

After a ride of four hours we arrived in Tirana yesterday. The road to Tirana was bad, especially the part between the Montenegrin boarder and Skadahr, the first 'real' city which we passed. We drove thru many small villages, in which the main source of income seems to be the small trades that people have started along the roads.

The mayor of Tirana, Edi Rama, waschosen as global mayor of the year. 2004. He began his career as artist, but moreover he is famous as a reformer now. A socialist who is standing for rapid changes in Albania. He paints many buildings in the centre in contrasting colours, through which the looks of Tirana have changed in only a couple of years time.

Whenever we talk about gays here we call them communists. Of course in Albanian context this is a save word to use: it has just been only a bit more than a decade ago since the communist chapter of this country was closed. Till here my short update from a cafe with WLAN, in the centre or Tirana. Crazy enough I can update my blog, read my private e-mail, but not access my COC webmail...

Crna Gora

This is, I think, the sixth time that I visit Montenegro. I am sitting in my hotel room, after we just arrived. Just called some people and set the schedule for this 3-day mission. Wednesday we will travel on to Albania.

The first time I came to Montenegro ('Crna Gora') was in May 2004. My mission was to find people who wanted to start a NGO on Lesbian and Gay rights. Initially this mission seemed to be succesful, but now, almost two years later, I am back in Montenegro with a similar mission. It is said to conclude that I can probably count the gays I have met here during the past years on two hands. To count the lesbians that I have met I don't even need one hand. It is not that people did not warn me: Montenegro is a post-conflict, post-communist, masculine and religious society, be carefull with what you do and who you meet.

During the first press confence we planned to organise, November 2004, the national football hooligans organised as 'Varvari', announced to react violently on our press conference. We decided to cancel it as we had to take the receveived treaths serious. The Ministry of Internal affairs first couldn't help us. Still a big group of people was searching for us in the city, and the police posted for my hotel that night. One day after I left two activists (one not gay, one not coming from Montenegro) showed up in a television show. (We had already done this when I was still there, but apparently nobody had watched that show). Over 50 'Varvari' surrounded the television studio, happily the police this time did react and protected the activists.

Montenegro is one of the nicest spots I know in Europe. It has a very well preserved nature. Due to the big differences in landscapes it has three different climates. When you land on Titograd Airport (the capital Podgorica was also named Titograd until the fall of the communicsm) you fly over Skadar lake, see the beautiful photo above. The contrast of such a beautiful country with people possessing a truth hate against different oriented people is still difficult to understand.

A Saturday at home

Woken up late and prepared a simple breakfast. Whilst checking my e-mails my eye falls on the window-sill, a ladybird (yes they are still terrorizing my appartment) is catched by a smaller spider. It takes the spider more than half an hour to get the ladybird to its hole, a small chink. I notice that the spider collected 3 ladybirds in its hole now.

Going to some old papers I discover the discrepancy between different existing timelines of IGLYO's future, so I take a while to make one list out of it and send it over to ex board members for a check-up.

After cleaning up a bit (a neverending task) I discover that it's already five in the afternoon. As I want to read the weekend edition of Volkskrant I have to walk to the station to buy one. Because I am leaving for Montenegro, Albania and Kosovo tomorrow I decide that I should also buy a book. Paulo Coelho, because I was told he writes nice books. And a new opinion magazine, probably with many new articles on interfaith clashes.

The days are getting longer and I enjoy watching the sunset out of my appartment.

My horoscope for the day

"Today everything annoys you. You have the feeling that you are surrounded with idiots. Control yourself and try not to explode."

Gie

Tonight I saw the story of Soe Hok Gie, a young Chinese-Indonesian guy who grew up in the militaristic post-colonial period in Indonesia, which was ruled by Soekarno and Soeharto. The patriarch was struggling for a true democratic Indonesia, leaving the militarism and communism on the other side. His struggle was brave, and of course he ended up paying the most expensive price possible for his truth believe. It is idealism of people like Gie that fascinates me. Pragmatic reasons often take me away from idealism, they turn my idealism in a less honorable strive to integrity. His idealism was not one of Para-militant protesters fighting against vested powers, but he was an intellectual leader of the Indonesian student movement during the sixties. Later he also published his ideas. He did this during years when the government was not censuring the media yet, soon after the government started. At many days I dare to wonder whether I should let my pragmatism overrule my idealism, I sometimes even wonder why I don’t do that. However the fact is that I do not, and that I contrary believe that I have to respect made choices, even if they’re mine.

“I do not want to be bamboo bending for the wind,
I want to be an oak standing firm.”

Watching portraits like this always make me feel strong, they make me believe in the power that is in people. They make me believe that tomorrow I can change the world. Afterwards a melancholic mood, yes indeed mostly occurring during traveling by train, overrules me and I loose the will to get disciplined tomorrow morning and change my whole life for sake of the world. Still, I hope that tomorrow morning I will wake up being a bit more disciplined in realizing my ideals.



The era of International Film festivals, such as the one in Rotterdam I visited tonight, always fascinates me. Walking through the buildings where the movies are screened makes you feel part of another world for a while. I am not sure whether this is caused by surrounding people who fantasize themselves being part of the surreal world they are watching, or whether it’s just me being in an artistic environment I don’t visit too often. Analyzing movies like these feels like walking on ice: in the middle of so many movie phanatics you soon have a wrong interpretations. Tonight I just left the movie festival straight after the movie, sticking to my own reality of what I saw. Gie, who didn't show much affection to girls, was not gay, I thought. However, the website of the Filmfestival (www.filmfestivalrotterdam.nl), told me that the homosexual aspect of the movie remained uncensored. I have to visit more film festivals!

Generation gap

Yesterday we started celebrating the 60th anniversary of COC. A special occasion, for me it was the first time I saw such a big part of the living COC history together. I regret I did not speak to many interesting people. Those who prepared our roads, who fought for our rights when the people wouldn't not accept homosexuals in their family. Those who couldn't benefit from international solidarity, those who were often alone in their struggle for a good and equal life. Most of those important people, such as Niek Engelschman and Benno Premsela are no longer alive, and it's said to realise that the rest of the generation is getting very, very old. Seeing them made me proud of being part of COC, and it gave me new energy to do the work that I am doing.

Sixty years after the first meeting of COC Netherlands (which was called 'Shakespear Club' in those early days), we are meeting on a beautiful location in the centre of Amsterdam. With over 300 people we commemorate the history, but also look forward to all the work that still has to be carried out. Unfortunately there was a huge generation gap. Those who are now in their thirtees and fourtees were under represented. They have benefited from the rights that were granted to our communities in the ninetees. The little discrimination that they faced in their younger years is perceived as 'normal', I think something that the current generation doesn't acknowledge any longer. The norm should be no discrimination. It was nice to see young people represented, two young researchers that wrote about the problems of young (minus 16) LGBT people were awarded a Bob Angelo award (synonime for Niek Engelschman).

The LGBT youth group Outsite from Delft performed with their band 'Straight from the closet' the winning song of the COC song festival 2005, which was a nice contrast with the older generation.

And for the rest my weekend has been filled with not doing too much... I met my old school friend Marije on Saturday evening, and went out the evening before. And that means that I'm now gonna put myself together and finish all the work that is waiting...

Judit in Brussels

Yesterday I saw Kris' new appartment in Leuven. Both Leuven as well as the appartment are impressing! According Kris Leuven is a bourgeouis city, full of students and social housing possibilities. A bit of a contradictus in term I thought, but maybe he's right.

Today I spent a nice day together with Judit in Brussels. She showed me this nice peeing dog in a Brussels street. Now I am at home trying not to work. Cristian and I are doing our best not to be annoyed by the bad working Skype.

I just red on the internet that the Secretary General of the European Council of Bisshops opposes that the statement that passed this week in the European Parliament which condemns homophobia and calls member states to take acknowledge rights of same sex couples. It would damage family values and would fall outside of the Parliaments portfolio. And I just thought we are trying to separate state and church and acknowledging Human Rights. I don't think that this statement makes mr. Aldo Giordano very popular in his own circles...

Bureaucracy

I missed a big part of my sleep last night because the European Commission told us to redo the budget for the famous A3029 application in their format. Now I knew that they are strict, but thought that my budget was better than their format. Of course that is stubborn, but I thought it was a bit ridiculous to make such a complicated budget in a improvised word format, and made it in a clearer excel sheet. Well, and so I did. Now I am finished and prepared the other documents that we had to send them (originals, they want originals). I think that the whole process of writing this application has cost three of for weeks together now... We better get the money!

Anyhow, now I woke up with pain in my shoulders, which came through the fact I went to the sport school. The pain is welcome because it assures me that I have trained :-) Being in the sport school was a refreshing experience. I suddenly remembered how much I like cardio, but how much I hate fitness... Most of it I can do, but I can't do the thingies for the belly muscles. It is true: I can belly dance but I can not train my belly. Guess I am going to do this at home the coming weeks, so that I can enter and leave the gym without any shame...

Back to work

After the holidays work has started again. Last
I have been catching up with a lot of things, and we started the year with a first board meeting together with the new board. I am very happy: we decided a lot of things, many procudures were handed over, tasks were divided and responsibilities were taken. It seems like it is going to be a another very interesting year for IGLYO....

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From London to Bucharest

I celebrated Christmas in London, which was fabulous! London was not what I expected it to be during Christmas: it was desserted! Only on second Xmas day, when the sales began, everybody was suddenly rushing into Oxford street. We had great fun with decent amounts of alcohol, huge amounts of food and lots of sleep in between all the things we did. It was nice spending Christmas time once not as usual with family, but with other beloved ones. On my way from London to Bucharest I bought myself a digital camera, which will enable me to keep to keep a better visual history of my life.

Romania was beautiful! And I can't believe that this holiday already ended. It was great meeting lots of nice people, all being so friendly and welcoming. We travelled quite a lot. After we started in Bucharest (in which the house of People was absolutely the most amazing thing I was), we went to Brasov, a lovely winter resort. Unfortunately it was raining a lot and the wind was blowing so hard that tiles fell of the roof next to our room. We moved on with a train (Romania has a very well organised and cheap public transport system) to Sibiu cultural capital of Europe 2007: a very promising city! A nice ancient city centre where we also celebrated new years evening.

Then we went to the Romantic city Sighisoara (see photo on the right). This is where Dracula has been born! It was not him who made this place special though, it was the well preserved medieval surroundings! Eventhough the city is not registered as protected by UNESCO (a true shame!), the people take very well care of it. Except from the cars it was like walking around in the middle ages, which is wonderful.

Many impressions later I am sitting again behind my table in my Amsterdam flat. It is good being home, I am ready for the new year and just subscribed myself to the fitness so that I'll make sure it will be a healthy one. Above all the start of this year is already a very happy one!