Something inside so strong

The higher you build your barriers
The taller I become
The further you take my rights away
The faster I will run

You can deny me
You can decide to turn your face away
No matter 'cause there's ...
Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it

Though you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone... oh noT
here's something inside so strong
Something inside so strong

The more you refuse to hear my voice
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time
You squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly it will blind you

Because there's ...

Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just not good enough
Well, we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
We're gonna do it anyway
We're gonna do it anyway ...

because there's...

To change

These weeks are a bit awkward. Friday the General Meeting of Members start - for IGLYO a next step into a promising future. A considerable amount of members will gather to discuss on the future directions of the organisation. An exciting moment.... and I'm quite confident that the future of IGLYO will look well, looking at the candidates that stand for elections.

For me it's the end of an important but crazy ride in my life. Being involved with IGLYO did change my life a lot... and working towards this meeting feels like going to leave something of myself behind. I will do considerably less youth work, and that will feel strange. But foremost I will miss working with all these great people that I've met in the past years.

But it will also bring positive changes to me. Time to spend more time with friends in the Netherlands, time to go to the gym, time to study French and time to be lazy.

Statutes

A while ago I and Cristian visited the Museum Beelden aan Zee in Scheveningen. Tom Otterness has a fixed exhibition at the sea side, called Miracles at Sea. The displayed statutes are adorable -which represent fairy tales. Scheveningen beach is already a nice place to be (I spent many wonderful years working at the Northern part of the beach) - but this exhibition makes it an even better experience.

Back to school

A few weeks ago I attended a reunion at my high school in Amersfoort. My high-school period was a time of mixed feelings: experiencing nasty treats of freaked pupils during my first year, but meeting many friends in consecutive years. Looking back my time at the Farel college overall was very nice.

Schools are strange places to be, they take such a decissive role in shaping our lives. During the first year I sometimes had sink in my shoes when entering the schoolyard. I looked up to the popular groups of smoking and swearing young people, often terrorizing the environment for those who did not fit their vision on reality. They led to a seperation of groups of young people, the popular and the not so popular. And so it turned that my best friend from primary school ended up in the popular club, and I ended up in the impopular club. To keep up his own reputation he then had to kick me during the terribly ritual week openings (I attended a Christian school), pretending that he did that as I reaction to me beating him. It made me want to stay at home.

In the second year it seemed that people gave up their ideas on belonging to a certain group. Their identies became increasingly constructed on rather individual characteristics, moving away from common group values which made it necessary to harass individuals that they could not identify with. It removed my fears and opened space for me to develop myself, while sticking to my own identity and not having to act cool anymore.

Slowly I started enjoying school. Slowly those who had been popular once, started to become impopular. I became secure, they remained uncertain. Then I started participating in school bodies, participating in a Bertolt Brecht play and organising school parties. All was I think very perfect than, except from one thing: I did not dare to come out. Where others started responding to their puberty needs, I was confused about my own feelings. There was no possible way of me coming out the closet, I did not experience school as a place to do so.

At the reunion I saw a lot of people that I didn't see for a long time. It was somehow a bit strange. It was nice to see some people again, but it was strange to experience that teachers -whom I experienced as having played an important role in my development - did not even remember your name anymore.

Below a picture with Kees - whom I see way too little!

Morning dew

When the streets are still empty and dew is covering the fields. I have always enjoyed the morning silence. The morning can be like a little secret - a state-of-art that you do not have to share with all those people that are still sleeping. The nature awakes a bit earlier than I tend to do - but is in such beautiful peace at morning.

The last days I woke up early naturally - probably as a result of changing my clock a few times throughout the past week.

Reflection

The last weeks are extremely busy - little time for reflections! But I have enjoyed these weeks extremely... they've been inspiring and charged me for the last weeks of the year to come. Some Cypriotic reflection I captured that I can't stop looking at below!

If I were a poet

I would live my life with words
Rephrase the sense of being
Understand vocabular of love
Listen songs of sadness
I would live my life with words
Just
If I were a poet

Street lights

The past week I've attended the ILGA-Europe annual conference in Vilnius. It was a good conference, with interesting speakers and a lot of useful new contacts. Smoke bombs in a bar next to the conference venue late at night were less nice. But, unfortunately for the perpetrators, less impressive. A bit of smoke does not spoil the evening of group of activists that knows what its working for. The protest outside of the conference venue was also not very impressive compared to the discussions that were going on at the same time inside of the venue.

After Vilnius I traveled to Kyrgyzstan. I visited our (COC's)partner organisation Labrys - which is doing an incredible deal of work in Bishkek. With a taxi we moved on to Talas, a city with 40.000 inhabitants, no street ligths available - and poor sanitary conditions. Work is only seasonal - leaving many people in the winter to alcohol only. Charactarized by a very strong family tradition the youngest child of each family is expected to take care of the parents. A society in which it is terribly difficult for LGBT people to live.

It took as a flat tire to reach Talas - getting to Almaty afterwards resulted in a broken engine, leaving us at the highway. Fortunately two Kazakhs were friendly enough to drop us of at our hotel - reaching comfort which suddenly made me feel spoiled.

So here I sit - in the lobby of the Kazakhstan hotel, updating my blog. Another day before going home. Tonight it's time to explore some of the local scene, which -yes- does exist.

Málaga

I am in the beautiful city of Málaga - after a productive board meeting I today spend here my last day finalising some work. Overwhelming is the friendliness of the people here. It is the hairdresser that really took time to do my hair and have a nice chat, not letting me leave the hairshop without a present (which was very welcome considering that my luggage still hasn't arrived...). Also the hotel staff that does everything to make you feel at home, and the local people we are working with to prepare our General Meeting of Members make me look forward to returning here in December. . Probably it has to do something with the climate: it feels like spring weather.... The idea of travelling to the North of Europe tomorrow doesn't help a lot in getting ready to leave this nice city.

Earlier this year: Minsk

"Only in Belarus will you feel as if the Cold War never ended. Although getting a visa isn’t a problem, the government isn’t crazy about foreign influences and encourages xenophobia with all-pervasive propaganda,” writes Lonely Planet about the country. I could have better left the book at home. Reading it in the airplane in order to truly appear as a tourist – and not an IGLYO board member – the last sentence didn’t ease me: “Hide this book.” Information is extremely controlled in Belarus; each publication has to be tested by the Ministry of Information. And custom officers do not hesitate to take away your Lonely Planet if they want so.

Last August IGLYO board met in Minsk, the capital of Belarus, for its quarterly board meeting. Our mission was to touch base with the live of young LGBT activists in Belarus, the last dictatorship in Europe. One of the very few countries in the region which is not a member of the Council of Europe as it still practices death punishment. Not many organizations choose to gather in this country, but choose to support civil society in Belarus in another way. Understandable, since several youth workers and political representatives have been rejected entrance to the country in the past years. Our fears were needless. All of us were granted visas without any problems. Passing the boarders happened probably smoother than in any other country I have visited.

Suddenly we found ourselves in Minsk. As agreed there was Slava Sementsov, from our member organization TEMA in Gomel waiting for us. Slava proved to be the perfect host throughout the rest of the weekend, sharing with us the invisible aspects of the country.

We were prepared for grey streets, gloomy post-Sovjet squares, cheerless people, little welfare end a regime being somehow visible at every corner of every street. But the Minsk we saw had nothing of that at all. The contrast seemed big. Prosperity, welfare, happy looking people walking on wide avenues surrounded by stylish classical buildings. The ruling suppression not being visible at all. Solely stories of people would tell you the truth behind the big mask covering this country.

We did not expect to see any public LGBT life. But again it wasn’t what we expected. Contrary. Whereas Lonely Planet writes about a public governmental repression of LGBT people, Belarusian activists talk about their country as being one of the most tolerant in post-Sovjet space and a slow but nevertheless sensible change in regards to LGBT acceptance and visibility. There is no active repression of LGBT groups, the government even has opened dialogue with community representatives in the framework of an HIV/Aids project. At the same time: gay prides were organized in Minsk in 2000 and 2001, without any significant problems. And indeed, Minsk knows a gay-club and some LGBT meeting spaces. Well, LGBT is not the accurate expression, since the LGBT community consists mostly of G and less L.

(with thanks to IGLYO board)

Art time

My absolute number one favourite museum is the Joán Miro museum in Parc de Montjuïc, Barcelona. Foremost I admire the architecture of the building which has been built on one of the most beautiful areas of the city. I have visited the museum three times now, and it always makes me calm and brings me in an ecstastic mood. The grand white spaces breathe an athmosphere of purity and calmness. Opposite of many other museums where I always want to hurry myself through exhibitions, the Miro museum makes me want to be there for many hours.

Currently there are two special exhibitions which are both fascinating. A broad variety of Sean Scully's work is shown. Scully is an Irish artist who works with oil paintings, pastels, watercolours, prints and photographs, all abstract work with a fascinating combination of colours and lines.

The other fascinating project was the rather more moder work of Qubo Gas. Colourful landscapes which are created through a group process of three French artists. Visit their website!

Holiday heroes therarpy

This morning I woke up in the quietness of an idyllic fisherman village looking out over the Adriatic sea. I finished the biography of Nelson Mandela, after reading Gandhi during my previous holidays yet another humble servant of women and men to a nation that went through so much sacrifice for achieving only equality. It was here where my holiday also came to an end. Would I have known before that the works of these men have a revatilising power then earlier holidays would have looked differently.

Having spent two wonderful weeks with wonderful friends both in Barcelona (Sant Feliu de Llobregat to be more precisely) and Ljubljana I now have returned to Amsterdam to resume my duties with new energy.

A few hectic weeks behind me. I attended the massive Euro pride in Madrid, together with almost 2 million other people. The Cologne pride also was very impressive, not only for its political message, but moreover for the merge of local citizens with the LGBT community whom were partying together. This afternoon I got a glimpse of the EuroGames, parallel to this big LGBT sport event Wel Jong Niet Hetero organised a very good youth conference. Powerful events - and they are organised in solidarity with prides as those held in Istanbul and Budapest (where numerous people severely have been beaten up).

In between much work at the office. Colleagues abroad, sick or on holidays, whilst we're already undermanned. A team-building session - which of course are never meant to be peaceful and silent.

And then stories out the lives of many dear friends, which make the every day office hectics so irrelevant. Just those few things in life we would like to control mostly - we cannot control.

Tonight I am finishing some last work before my break to Barcelona and Slovenia.

A letter of a friend

"The pride week which was organised by Lambda Istanbul came to the end with a magnificant final. Istiklal street was painted colours of rainbow flag. it was the biggest march in Turkey with the most participation we have ever seen. Some people watched as with bewildered eyes, some didn't want to be contended with watching but also applauded and some joined our slogans as well. t was a honour to be in Istiklal street, holding the big rainbow flag and to be able to scream that we shouldn't be silent. t was a day which already took the part in the LGBT history in Turkey. I've been in Gay Pride Marches in european countries several times, it made me feel free to be there but something was missing for me. But Istanbul... Istiklal Street... it had something more sense to be there and also was emotional as much as meaningful. In our country, with our language, we were telling our people that we are here and we won't be silent anymore. At the beginning, while we were preparing for the march there were some people from us watching us from far but then I realized that they joined the march in few minutes. Was it possible not to impress the scene? was it possible be indifferent to this athmosphere? and not to wish to be a part of this magnificent event! Our feelings met in a common point and we became a unique heart in Istiklal Street. I really felt what the Pride's meaning! We were just 1.000 people there, I know it's nothing comparing with the march in European countries, but I felt that we, all gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in Turkey were there. We all felt so strong ourselves while we were screaming as "don't be silent, scream, we are here"

Ismail

Lost in administration and the big human rights quiz

A hectic day. It started at the office where I together with the administrator worked on finances. I learned two lessons in the past years about bookkeeping. 1: always make the administrator your best friend, becuase you can't do without them. 2: every administrator has a completely own way of working and want to administer everything in a completely different way.
The Netherlands doesn't have a lunch-culture, mostly we eat a sandwich behind our desk. But I went for a quick lunch with Juul (great bagels!) and we talked about her experiences with the OSCE - an organisation that still is rather exclusive to certain discrimination grounds. Interesting input and I will discuss this further tomorrow with another civil society representative.

In the afternoon I visited the farewell reception of the Dutch Human Rights embassador. For his farewell the quiz 1 against 100 was organised, I didn't bring it far as I didn't know whether 4 or 10 country rapporteurs had been appointed in the UN council since June 19th.... (10 is the right answer!). An interesting ocassion to learn more about the UN work on Human Rights and the importance of Special Procedures, and of course about the work of our embassador.